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There is no me without you

I am reading a book by the author Melissa Fay Greene titled "There is no me without you". It is a true story of a woman who lived in Ethiopia, still does I believe, and who lost her husband to a heart attack then one of her daughters to AIDS. She ends up starting a orphanage for kids and its an amazing amazing story. I am about 60% of the way through the book. Today at lunch the story begins to speak of adoption and how she began working with agencies to have some of her kids adopted out. She ends up traveling to the U.S. to receive an award she won and gets to visit many of the children she took care of that were now in the states living with their adopted families. The book tells of a time when she was staying with one of the families and the mother overheard her daughter praying one night. This is the prayer she prayed-

" Thank you, God, for my mom. She's a good, mom. She knows how to be a good mom. Even when I mad, she love me. Even when I sad, she love me. Even when I do bad thing, she love me. My mom, she so cute. My mom, she not ugly. But she ugly, I still love her. Even if she ugly, I love her. Even if she really, really ugly, I love her. And she love me, if she ugly. But she not, she cute. Thank you, thank you, God, for good and cute mom."

From another adopted families blog

I saw this on a blog from another family who is adopting from Ethiopia.  Lisa really loved it, I want to share it with you all now.


Sunday, February 14, 2010
Real Love
This is an article I just wrote for my local MOPS newsletter. I had a really hard time writing it and I'm still not certain that I said what I was trying to say and that I even agree with everything I said. It's a complicated topic laid out by my less than fluid ability, which makes it rocky all the way around. Be that as it may, here it is. I'd also like to give a shout out to Chrissy for helping me through the process! Don't forget to check out my giveaway!

The United States Postal Service has a good motto, but their dedication cannot compare to the power of a mother’s love-- neither spit up, nor blow-out diapers, nor vomit, nor middle-school-drama can stop us from loving our children. Because of our great love we would do anything to protect our children. We live for them. We would die for them. It’s not about convenience, it’s not about us anymore, it’s about love.

Love like that has a price though. In this country, we say “I love her and so I had to let her go” and we mean that we watched her ride the bus for the first time to school like a big girl. Sometimes the price is higher than that.

Could you kiss your child goodbye for the last time? Do you have the love that would allow you to hand your child to a stranger and walk away forever because that is how much you love her and that’s the price you are willing to pay? Such is the legacy of love my daughter has.

My family is adopting a toddler from Ethiopia. She will become our daughter through the greatest gift and the greatest sacrifice that a parent can make. I don’t know if I have that depth of love, but my daughter will know that her first mother did, that she ended up in our family, because of a love that refused to see her suffer, left hungry, or uneducated. Her first mother had a love that knew no bounds and didn’t stop in Ethiopia, but reached around the world and is changing my life.
Love is not about flowers, chocolates, cards, and candlelight. Love is about giving of yourself until it hurts, until you’ve reached the bottom of what you have the capability to give, and then finding more.

The Bible says that “perfect love casts out fear”. It’s true, but that’s big stuff that’s not something we can do on our own. Perfect love is what God offers us through the gift of his son, redemption from death and suffering, and a place in his family. When you’re enveloped in that perfect love you don’t fear because you know that the One who loves you like that has nothing but good in store for your life.
Throughout this adoption process I’ve been given glimpses of God’s perfect love and my own well-intentioned but far inferior version of love. My best efforts to love leave me riddled with fears…will we get the money we need in time? will my boys be okay while I’m so far away? will I be okay so far away from my boys? will this daughter that I love but have never seen be terrified of me? am I ruining my family? will we have trouble bonding? do I really have to drive a minivan? … It turns out that on my own I am not very brave and I am a slow student when it comes to trusting that perfect love. And just like a loving parent God always calms my fears from my ridiculous phobia of driving a minivan before I’m thirty to the mundane fears about money (which I never seem to get over) to the more serious fears about bonding. He doesn’t shame, humiliate, or punish. He wraps me in his perfect love and soothes. He shows me how his hand has guided our story. He reminds me that his checkbook is bigger than mine and points my memory back to the ways that he’s provided for us so far. He puts levelheaded friends in my path when I want to panic. He continues to show me that each time a fear comes up that I have trust more in his love that only wants the best for me as his child.

God is patient with me through this process and doesn’t rush me, doesn’t try and force me to trust his love. He accepts my trembling steps of faith as I grow and together through the redemption of adoption, we’re bringing home my sweet little girl. And she will know, as I know, that she is loved not only by two mothers on opposite sides of the world, but with the perfect love that only comes from God. Loved. Redeemed. Adopted.

More pics

Pictures from Celeste

On our trip to Ethiopia we were blessed to have 2 social workers from Holt travel with our group.  We were the first travel group of the year and Holt likes to send their workers to experience the country and evaluate the program as well.  One of the workers names was Celeste.  She had a nice digital 35 mm camera and she was taking photos all the time it seemed.  She said she would send us all a cd of the pics when she returned.  Ours came in the mail on Saturday so I thought I would share a few pics.

I am nothing

While in Ethiopia at the welcome center there was an older girl there.  She was probably 7, 8 or 9 maybe.  She was very active and vocal and would roam from family to family exploring.  She would get right in everyones bags and look through things as she pleased.  We discovered one day back at the hotel that Lisas contact solution had disappeared and one of the other families told us they saw one of the kids with it back at the center.  So the next few times we were there we were very aware and cautious with our things.  We were especially worried about the camcorder and the digital camera as we had pictures and videos that were of course priceless to us.  Well one time while we were at the center playing with Lillibet-Joy, I was sitting and this one vivacious girl came exploring.  I kindly pulled back my camera case and told her no very gently.  There were several kids all around us playing.  She looked right at me, and with a mean expression on her face she told me in clear English, " I am nothing".  Her words startled me and I realized what she must be thinking and feeling about herself.  I was holding Lillibet who is of course a baby, she was not getting a new family and I am sure was feeling left behind and forgotten.  When I did not allow her to go through my things it only further validated how she was feeling about herself.  As I was processing this I decided to offer her a tic tac that I had.  She came over to me, smiled and took it.  She smiled when she tasted its sweet taste.  I had redirected her and I think but for a brief moment, she felt as if she was something, and no longer nothing.

Cant wait to get home

Everyone that knows me understands how much I love my wife and kids.  They are my world.  My friend and my King, Jesus, is number one in my life but they are next in line.  Now that God has grafted in another child into my life, I find that I just cant wait to get home each day.  I smile at work just thinking about getting home.  God is so good I just cant believe all that he has done in our lives.  I have never loved him more than I do now.  Seeing his work in this adoption, for it has been his work, knowing how much he loves everyone, everywhere, just blows my mind.  I find myself so overjoyed at times its funny.  Like I said I just cant wait to get home.  Of course it helps that a tiny little person, comes crawling my way, tugging on my leg and holding her arms up to reach me.  Did I mention that melts my heart...

In the middle of the night

Last night around 330am Lillibet-Joy woke up crying, she had fallen to sleep on our ride home from the concert at our church last night.  The roads were horrible, overall I think we have 16 inches of snow.  It took my son and I about 3.5 hours of shoveling today to dig us out.  Anyway, the ride home was very slow and so she fell to sleep.  We put her to bed for the night but then at 330 she was up.  Lisa usually is the one who gets up but since I was off Friday on a vacation day to take Lillibet for some tests, and since its now Saturday and I am off work I went and checked on her to let Lisa sleep.  I was up for about 1.5 hours with her to finally get her back to sleep.  I tried rocking her in the glider we were given from a family that had adopted previously, in her room, but it did not work.  Then I took her to the living room to lay with her in my big comfortable recliner and after about an hour there it worked.  As I layed there wanting to get back to sleep and wishing she would just fall to sleep, I began thinking what it would have been like laying on the ground in a hut trying to comfort her in the middle of the night.  I began to be very grateful for the comfortable recliner I was lounging in with her.  Its amazing how perspective can really change the way you are thinking or feeling about something.  We, no let me say I have so much, so many conveniences so many things to make like easier, and yet we, no I still complain.  I can see already how God is using Lillibet and what he allowed us to see while in Ethiopia to change us.  I only hope he never stops working on me.

So much more work to do

I thought I would share some statistics I found on adoptions from Ethiopia by U.S. families.  While it is on the rise, it is still so small.

1999- 42
2000- 95
2001- 165
2002- 105
2003- 165
2004- 284
2005- 442
2006- 731
2007- 1254
2008- 1724

While this is a good trend, it makes me wonder why cant we do more.  So many millions of kids just wanting a mommy and a daddy.  What can you do?  Can you financially help another family?  Can you pray?  Can you encourage others?  Maybe, just maybe, God is calling you to adopt?  Just think about it please, for the sake of the children.

All together

At church our family is always spread out all over the church.  Some of our kids go to the Contemporary service, we usually go to the traditional one, and our son Christian is usually serving using his musical talent somewhere.  So needless to say we dont typically all sit together as we did for so many years when they were younger.  However, now that there is a new kid in town, haha, we have been sitting in the cry room which is a sound proof room so the babies dont disturb the service and they can be more comfortable.  Well, this past Sunday, all 4 of our kids found their way into the cry room to sit with us and to hold and play with her.  Lisa and I just smiled at each other.  We were all together again.

Be still and know that I am God

I was just sitting in my living room watching my kids play with Lillibet-Joy, we were playing a cd of kids music, songs like Lion King, Chitty chitty bang bang, This little light of mine etc etc.  My oldest son Joshua who is 19 was dancing for her, she had her on his shoulders, then my youngest Hope who is 11 was doing the same.  Lisa was there and Charity also, it was so funny watching them all playing.  Lillibet was giggling and just loving all of them.  I began pondering all that we have gone through these almost past 2 years raising funds, mounds of paperwork, doubting at times if we would ever get there.  My eyes began to peruse my living room where my wife has hung many inspirational plaques, they kind of make up a border of sorts.  My eyes fell on one plaque in particular, its message brought me into a moment of worship.  A time to thank God and praise him.  The plaque simply said, " Be still and know that I am God".

Video of Mommy making Lillibet-Joy laugh at Hotel in Ethiopia

This is so funny, it was only after being with her a few hours over a few days, we really started to see her personality as she began to feel safe with us.  It was priceless and very precious to both of us. Just click on the link below.



you tube- Lillibet laughing with Mommy

Da da da da

This is a video of something amazing. This was taken in our hotel room in Ethiopia. We had only been with her a few hours over a few days when this happened. It was a gift from God. You can hear Lisa and I in the background laughing/crying. It was such a sweet moment we were both laughing and crying at the same time. Up to this point she had hardly verbalized any sounds at all let alone words. WOW!

Transformed

As I have thought about all that our daughter has seen, experienced, felt, tasted, smelled and lived through these past few weeks, I was struck with how this for her is very similar to something else. She has traveled over half of the world to find her home. Her life is completely transformed. She now lives in a home large enough to offer her her very own bedroom. She has food anytime she wants or needs it. All of her physical needs are met. She is loved wildly by so many I am excited just to type these words. The weather is completely different than what she is used to. The clothes she wears, the places she goes, just everything is completely different. She has been planted into a family and is now a part of it as if she had always been a part of it. This is exactly what God does for those who have accepted him. Those who have yielded their lives and humbled themselves, realizing that like every other soul on the planet, they have sinned (missed the target). They need a Savior and they accept Jesus and what he willingly gave up for them. In this acceptance of this free gift, they find their lives transformed. They find that they have been grafted into a new family, Gods family. They have a loving Father who takes care of them and cares for them. They find themselves surrounded by loving brothers and sisters who love them fully. I think this picture of adoption, and how it compares to how God adopted us, is so beautiful, I can only smile when I ponder it.

Few more pics

The room we met her

This is the sacred place where God brought together a little girl and her parents for the very first time. There are no words eloquent enough to express the amazing time that it was. God is so good!

I will never leave you

This week as life has started to return to normal, all of our kids off to school, I off to work, Lisa has shared how Lillibet has been very clingy to her. When she leaves the room even for a brief moment Lillibet begins to cry for her. When we are all home and the normal West house craziness is going on, drums playing in the background, dog barking at people coming in, video games playing, parents sharing their day etc etc, she seems to be ok. But those moments when the house is quiet and it is only her and Lisa, its then that her fear comes out. I can only imagine what she has gone through in her short life. Too many farewells for one so young. As I have thought about this these past few days, I have been reminded of how God has said he will never leave us or forsake us. What a loving and merciful Father we have. Remember that today.

More photos

A sign over the Docters office at the center in Ethiopia

Lisa and beautiful Ethiopian landscape